Peeroj Atya

Unusual name for a Maharashtrian girl. She got her name thanks to her Aapa Mama, her maternal Uncle, inspired from the Nehru family as he was a freedom fighter and worked closely with the family. Peeroj Atya (Father’s sister) moved on, its not even a week. Our family times together flash like a movie since then in my mind.

A stricture to rules and discipline she was a Teacher and that explains her high octave since she had to make her voice heard right till the last bench. Truth be told as a child I was scared of her. Wouldn’t stay around her vicinity but observe her from far. Always well dressed she loved her sarees, bangles, necklaces, gajras and venis. Always admired her thick long black hair which she oiled well and tied into a plaid every single time. One trait of hers which I respected a lot was she would ensure that the elders, even siblings were addressed with due respect like, tai, dada, vahini. Though she is elder to my Mother she addressed my Mother as Vahini though my Mother was younger to her, only because she is her elder brother’s wife. She was highly opinionated though and made her voice heard which made her a little unpopular, even within her close circle.

Second sister of the four, all the sisters had an unique trait…they all stuck together like a pack of cards and looked after each others’ back, though they had huge difference of opinions. Another common trait is that they have highest regard for my Father, their Bhai (one of the names for an elder brother) and doted on him. This bond brought our families together and we were blessed to have experienced the love and caring of all the sisters which they showered on our family. I experienced what a deep bond felt like only because of my atyas.

Peeroj atya loved to give gifts. Every time she was expected at my paternal grandmothers’ house rest assured we would get a gift. She did not show her affection through action but always mentioned niceties of people to other people. And we got to know about it from the other people. I remember a cousin of my mentioning to me that Peeroj atya was praising me as the best daughter one can have for the way I had taken care of my Father and am taking care of my Mother. She never mentioned this to me ever. But in the last decade she had mellowed down and we would have conversations. She had a unique quality…she would always mention the good qualities of people to others. She loved to tell stories of their childhood. She had fond memories of Baba and how he had stood by her through her tough times. Baba was her go to person and she idolized him. She always said that the sisters were blessed to have a brother like my Father who was almost like a Father to them.

She loved to solve puzzles like my Father. She sang well. She had also tried a stint at the All India Radio. She loved to cook and feed. Our family would often visit them for lunch and I remember the fish curry and fruit salad. Needless to say we would carry gifts home.

Atya would always be remembered fondly by me. The trueness and genuineness of her affection was endearing. Though she had a tough life, tragedy of losing a son aged 50 years, she never spoke about it. I have learnt a lot from her strength and independence.

She is now with her loved ones – her Son, her Brother and her elder Sister…

Rest in peace Atya…

Yoga School for Senior Citizens

So, finally after thirty three years at work I get some free time to do what I love to do and what I had always planned to do and that is join a Yoga course to not only learn Asanas but to learn the other aspects of Yoga and make it a way of life! I am doing an one year Diploma in Yoga course from a reputed institution in Thane.

Three months into the course and I have not felt so good physically, emotionally and spiritually in a decade. I already feel ten years younger, energetic and happier. It has given me a fresh perspective to life. A wholesome course which aims at making Yoga a way of life. It aims at personality development.

That got me thinking…what if Yoga is made compulsory to all Senior Citizens beyond sixty years? So we pack children off to kinder garden, schools when they do not understand what exactly is a school. They just go because they are sent, they do not have a choice and they have fun. And importantly due to a joint process there is a sense of community.

As a similar model, at sixty years of age Seniors are relatively free and can take up Yoga as a way of life. Joining a Yoga school would enrich ones life. The challenge faced post retirement would to a large extent be nullified due to the engagement in learning a new skill.

My story so far has merit in the above statements made. I am learning a new skill, my challenges have been taken head on and sorted one by one. I am in better space physically and mentally. I am part of a community, have met new people, doing activities together has brought a sense of belonging which seems to diminish post retirement. I wake up early with a purpose hence my day is filled with activity as against lethargy. There are only merits.

As we all are aware, Seniors have a lot of adjustments to do…physically as well as mentally. Everything changes at a existential level. Though you have free time, lots of energy but nothing to do. Being in the house more, one is lost for filling in hours. You learn to pick up a relaxed pace which quickly converts to lethargy. Once lethargy sets in it is difficult to be convinced otherwise. Mentally one starts searching for things to do which would challenge your mind but there is not much that can be done. So the dilemma brings you to a point where you accept the lethargy as a way of life and that is where the health issues, mentally as well as physically, set in.

And all these challenges can be addressed by joining a Yoga school.

I am making a suggestion at the governing level where Heads of States or even at a community level, should consider incorporating Yoga as a curriculum for the elderly. Send them to Yoga school compulsorily. That would address the issue of loneliness, abandonment, inactivity and many more which every elderly go through and leads to psychosomatic diseases.

I cannot stress enough the relevance of getting into a Yogic lifestyle at this juncture of life, especially with my positive and encouraging experience.

If one has liked the idea and find merit in it one can consider taking it up with respective Heads of States or even at a community level.

Many Masks

You wear many masks to ‘appear’ in the day to deal with people you meet and circumstances. A way that you want the others to see you as.

Life is all about replacing masks with élan right from a young age. I remember the time when my Mother said, “Don’t open your mouth in front of Aunt”…you had to put on a mask of being a ‘quiet child’. Or when she said, “Finish off everything in the plate like a good girl”…when visiting a family friend’s house, when actually I found the food spicy. I had to put on a mask of being an obedient, good girl. I was not either.

You step out of the house, there are innumerable masks that you change in matter of seconds…as the need be. Many a times it is puzzling to me, who am I actually? The person at home, or at work, or with friends, or a little of all.

And then comes a person with whom you can let down your masks. You can be yourself. The ease with which one can interact, find oneself, enjoy the company, find peace, find your purpose….

After a time in age one is fed up of putting on false masks. That is when you really know who stays and who goes. Or worse still one becomes an introvert. Liking ones company where you can be yourself, non judgmental, non opiniated. The world suddenly becomes a lovely space to be in.

Have you experienced this duality and how did you cope?

What I missed in 33 years!

33 years are the number of years I worked to earn money. A 9.30 am to 5.15 pm job. Travel time to work, one way, two hours. Evenings would be extended due to the traffic. Had to leave for work everyday by 7.30 am and reach back home after 8 pm for 5 days a week, Saturday would be a half day…breaking the monotony. One Sunday was never enough. On an average four hours of travelling for five days a week, and this drill for 33 years!

Now you would get the gist of the list of ‘what I missed’ would be!

Pace of life was fast, no thought process applied, wake up, grab something to eat, pack lunch, dash to catch the 7.58 am local train. First mode of transport would be a rickshaw which only if you are lucky you would get it fast or else walk to the railway station. Second mode of transport, a train. Third mode of transport, a bus. Waiting time to get a bus is anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes. While coming back home just reverse the order except that because of the rush hour it would be that much more difficult to get a bus, train and a rickshaw. Most of the times I would walk home from the railway station. While getting back home never got a seat either in the bus or the train so from the time I would leave office till I would get home I would be on my feet, that would be almost two hours. It was a marathon everyday. After almost 17 years of doing this my office location changed. To the above mentioned mode of transport please add a metro as well, in between taking two trains. Travel just kept getting worse and with it my health. Wait, this is not just me, thousands of office goers everyday face this ordeal of multiple modes of transport to get to office and back home. Travelling was a killer and a total waste of time and energy!

What I missed the most was energy to do anything else…even watering the plants. I would be so dead tired that even mentioning any work at home would send me into a rage. The long hours travelling and doing this year on year affected my health, my energies dwindled, my food habits changed for the worse, sleep deprived, zero social life…sounds sad right? Absolutely right. A robot would be the right word to describe me.

You would now wonder why did I not give up. I didn’t because I loved my work. I hated the travel. I was passionate about work and learning new skills at work. That kept me going. Professionally I was growing but my parallel life was suffering. Though at office, colleagues became my extended family, my real family disowned me and I drifted apart. I became more of an introvert, health hazard, bad company, not ready to take on any responsibilities at home because there was no energy left, had no friends, no social life, the list is endless. Sounds gloomy right? But it wasn’t all that gloomy as one doesn’t understand the state you are in unless you are out of it. Now that I am out of it I realise the agony of what I have missed!

My brain and every cell in my body was accustomed to fight or flight mode of living. Right from the time I woke up to the time I called it a day. Today I can actually enjoy the sunrise and sunset. I wake up and have to remind myself that it is ok…I do not have to rush to work, take it easy! Even during the day I catch myself rushing around and have to remind myself to slow down.

I can eat warm food and certain other foods which I couldn’t because it could not be prepared early in the morning. The luxury of eating on time, warm food and quality food! I feel blessed. For a long time I could not have drinks like Kokum sherbet, Panha because could not carry it to work. I am now relishing them. I can now read the newspapers at leisure. Listen to music when I want to. Read a book when I want to. Leisure is my new timeline! I enjoy my gardening and have now added a whole new bunch of new plants. Did a short online course to understand how to care for the plants. I am paying more attention to household activities. I haven’t had the privilege of minding a house or cooking. I have now taken over the job and enjoying it to the fullest.

These are a few, but most importantly I now have the time and energy to socialise. I am slowly and steadily building my acquaintances. Though I prefer my company, I am building meaningful relations. I have to deal with the health issues which propped up because of my lifestlye…but now I have the time to deal with it and take proper care of myself.

Regrets are many but then even gains are many. I am living my life to the fullest building on everyday with new things…things which I never got the time nor the energy to pursue.

How has your journey been so far?

Learnings..

My learnings after spending 33 years at work. At the end of the spectrum the first thing that hits you is that life is not all that complicated as you perceive it to be, when in your 20s or even in your 30s. If I wouldn’t be so uptight about things life would have been easier and enjoyable. Alas, lessons learnt are too late to make any difference in the earlier days.

So what exactly are the learnings…

Listen to your parents: 100 out of 100 times whatever my Mom told me, and I did not listen to, has come true. Till date if she told me something and I have not listened to, I have regretted later.

It pays to keep things simple: I have complicated stuff unnecessarily. Just by overthinking. Take things at face value and do not speculate what is not.

It pays to keep records: Even if it is as simple as keeping a record of the no. of clothes given for ironing or ensuring the bank entries are up to date. Bills are paid and servicing of gadgets are on time. Saves a lot of confusion and hassles later on. Again, learnt it from my Parents.

Minding a house is an all together different level of management: Don’t form your own new rules without understanding the dynamics that go with personality management of all the support staff. And don’t you ever undermine the role of the support staff. It is much more complicated than minding your team at work. Respect the rules set by your predecessors.

Have a schedule for the day: or else you will drift without managing to achieve anything substantial. Whether you are working or retired, it pays to think about and plan for the next day. It always helps to get things done.

Read at least one pink and one white newspaper in a day: That is the best way of not missing out on critical matters. Social media does not give the kind of important information that is precisely required. I will vote for a newspaper any day.

All news is not required real time: One does not need to be on social media all the time, in order not to feel missing out on things. Not all things are required to be known real time. Actually have learnt that social media has large no. of unnecessary news, which crowds the necessary news.

Find time to garden: That is the best thing you will ever gift yourself and even nature. That time spent with your own house garden is super meditative.

Follow older generations’ food hacks: Have learnt it late but its never too late. The quantity as well as the quality of food is best when you refer to the ready reckoner of your grandparents way of eating. Simple, nutritious and healthy.

Health is wealth: Too much is taken for granted of which health is first in the list. However it is never to late to start afresh, though the realisation is late. The abuse, by eating outside food, cold food, packaged food, fast food, not eating on time, shows its colour in the later years. Sadly most of your later years goes in dealing with the after effects of food abuse. If you do not take care of your health in the early years, in the later years your health will demand your undivided attention.

Be honest in whatever you do: Many a times it so happens that circumstances puts you in spot from which you wriggle out by undue means. At that time it may be needed but later it catches up at wrong times.

Always pay taxes and on time: Though the total tax paying population in India is appallingly less, one still needs to pay taxes. A good night sleep is too precious.

Karma has a way: Live life to the fullest and karma will take care of all those who harmed you, caused you distress and also those who do not want you to succeed, be popular. It is none of your business to give back, karma serves, at the right time.

Put your head down and work: That is the only business that one should be engaged with. Leave the rest. Let result speak for itself. Nobody can then let you down.

You will get more lessons than happiness: All our life we are unhappy because we were dealt with wrongly. We do not realise, at that time, that it is all for our best. Learn lessons and move on.

Everything happens for the best: The things which distressed me the most, on hindsight were the best that could have ever happened to me. It saved me from future disaster.

Today I am a calm, thoughtful, happy person…applying my life lessons and striving to lead a simple life.

Daily writing prompt

How do you unwind after a demanding day?

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Spending time with Mom and Dad, listening to music, reading a book, deep breathing, pranayam.

Nature Trail

Doused in the morning sun there is this beautiful piece of land, lush in greenery in Kasarvadavli, Thane. Though a TMC owned land, they have a garden and are kind to allow a small piece of land to be used by the volunteers of the Hariyali NGO. It is a place maintained by the TMC, a beautiful well maintained garden and this stretch of land. Ideal for a stroll or even doing yogasanas or pranayam. I walked into the garden conscious of leaving the pollution behind and entering a oxygen-only zone. At that time in the morning at around 8 am it was covered with the morning sun and a slight chill in the air. Trees, plants, shrubs, the ground covered with lush green grass…it was a sight to relish. A small get-away from the city buzz, right in the city. Took a deep breath and filled my lungs with pure air.

Hariyali is a NGO working in the field of protection and upgradation of environmental conditions, having its base in Thane. It is 25 years old and has volunteers who are passionate about preserving and serving nature. They undertake weekend activities of seed collection, segregation, planting the seeds, and then planting the saplings in various locations like Dighe, Munda. The NGO also offer these activities to schools and corporates.

With the climate changes and more and more emphasis on preserving forests, I decided to join them and do my bit. I hope to plant trees which would be of use for generations to come. It is an ideal opportunity for all of us to take this idea of collection of seeds and planting them, forward. I was looking for an outfit doing work in the nature and I couldn’t have asked for more, right here in Thane.

I think it is time all of us do our bit, join such outfits and plant as many trees as possible for a healthy tomorrow!

Mothi Atya

My Aunt, all of 4′11, my late Baba’s (Father) soul sister and my Aai’s (Mother) best friend, passed away last week. We called her Mothi (elder) Atya (Father’s sister). She could easily get lost in a crowd but stood out because of her positive impact on people. She had this knack of holding people together, of reaching out to each with most respect and genuine concern. She was that one person whom everyone in the community looked up to. She was the go to person for all and took her responsibilities very seriously.

Atya had a special bond with my Baba. They were only a year apart hence were close to each other. There bond is unique, special, different from the other siblings. Baba’s face would light up every time Atya would call. She stayed in the same city like us hence either they would visit us or we would visit them. My childhood memories are full of Atya’s cooking and a regular desert of fruit salad with custard. I would help her cut the fruits. She would be almost ready with the food when we would reach which would be around 11 am…she would say only fish is to be fried. Very thoughtful and efficient. Atya revelled in hosting meals, cooking and feeding people.

An eternal learner she would be interested in anything new that Aai would be making and like school girls they would laugh and enjoy each others company. She rejoiced in knitting and crochet. Would make stuff for all and sundry. She has to only know that someone is born somewhere and she would make stuff and send it off. She with her friend would go off to various exhibitions to check on anything new. She would make and get it the next time for all of us. She loved to do things for others.

Like Baba she would never talk about her woes, only talk about good experiences. Always smiling, though would reprimand us if we did not fall in line. We were all scared of her as well.

After she moved to another city, our families met less. But she or Baba would call each other and keep in touch. Baba missed her profusely but rarely made it apparent. As age passed it became more obvious that meeting each other would be a challenge but she visited as and when she could…even at the age of 90, though Baba had passed away, she visited us and spent time with Aai who is ailing. This despite having both knee replacement surgery, which did not go well as expected and would trouble her every now and then. The will to meet people made her get out of her house even at this age.

She loved music especially singing. All her sisiters sang except her, she loved to listen. She encouraged me when I started to learn classical music and would wait eagerly to hear songs that I would record for her. She told me not to stop learning and I will always keep that advice close to my heart. She was concerned about my health. When asked about hers she would respond, “Majhe rahu de, tu kashi ahes (Let my health be, how are you?)”. She never complained about her health to any one nor any one came to know if she had any pains or aches…because she never spoke about them. Similar to Baba. In many ways they were similar and after Baba passed away, every time I spoke to Atya it would remind me of him. Everytime we met she would hug me and that is the most secure hug I ever had. She had a bagful of solutions with household remedies. She was my go to person when unwell. Even her soothing voice would give relief such was her presence in my life.

As I write, my entire life, with Atya in it, in various stages flashed in my mind like a reel…

I will miss Atya for her uniqueness, genuiness and smile, everytime she would see me. By and by, as elders pass away, unconditional loving people get lesser and lesser, leaving a huge void. And the realization comes late.

I love you Atya and have the highest respect for you. You are with your favourite brother and that is a solace because Baba is also with his favourite sister.

Daily writing prompt

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

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Meditate

Work From Home

Makes you sedentary, unsocial, stuck to the screen, social media surfer, online buffer, telecaller, muncher, pseudo rushed…these are few of apparent changes in me.

Now for the good news…I have realized what it takes to run the house, can do a puja everyday, learnt the relevance of warm food, not being rushed, can take care of my Mother’s health…my health, eat healthy, there is time for yoga, pranayam, exercise to address my clinical condition, introspect, prioritize, meditate, hone my intuitive thinking, become wiser, alone…got to know the importance of self realization and its merits, befriended self, started writing, enjoy being with self, have hushed, noise in the head is reduced, I can think clearly, the rushed feeling is reduced resulting in feeling less anxious all the time, have grown inward, look for answers inward, there is movement towards spirituality, am reading more and the right stuff, read the newspaper at leisure, can now read the articles in the paper and increase my knowledge, I discovered the power of online shopping…right from groceries to furniture to fish to vegetables to milk to clothing to medicines…the list is endless.

As you can see the list of pros is more than the cons. I am amazed at the person I have become…almost a new person. Though taking care of my health is a priority, growing spiritually and everything that goes with it is now a way of life…

So, must I say ‘Thank you’ to the work from home mode of working? I found myself after loosing the conventional way of living! I happen to have the power to choose the kind of life I want to lead…for the first time in my life and am liking it! I have found a friend in myself and consequently the power of silence.

Its a different life, more engaging, more engrossing, more evolving!